I hate that familiar yet unsolicited feeling of being stuck out on a make-shift raft in the middle of the ocean, with the waves tossing me to and fro with no rescue in sight. I guess this is where the meaning of Faith in my life is truly tested. "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1a.
What am I hoping for? Rescue, peace, contentment, purpose, comfort, direction. The only Substance I have is Jesus. He is real, true, faithful, loving, kind, and compassionate. He was in all ways tempted as I am, but did not sin. He is a faithful High Priest who felt what I feel in all ways and in doing so has compassion for what I feel-but He gives me Hope.
I am wondering how I have evidence of things I don't see. Can you imagine sitting in a courtroom as a juror and an attorney presents evidence you can't see? How can I, as a juror, make a decision based on evidence I can't see? The only conclusion I think of is, if what that attorney was presenting is based on absolute truth. Jesus is truth. WHO he is, that is my evidence. So I do not rely on how I feel or what I see to believe. I rely on God's character. His immutable and altogether holy character.
My heart reverberates, as David did, "Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?" Psalm 42:5 I love David. He struggled as I do. So when I am struggling to hold on to faith in that boat, I have Jesus. I have all the substance and evidence I need.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
God is for me
I've been listening to You Are For Me by Kari Jobe. This is a concept God has been steadily teaching me for several years now. Through so much heartache and grief, He has shown Himself to be the same yesterday, today, and forever. That He is not only in control of everything but even more that no matter what the circumstances, He is for my GOOD. Maybe things are hard, painful, confusing, frustrating, even desperate. Still He is for my good. It took me sooo long to BEGIN to understand that God is good "all the time, and all the time God is good" Oooo, that's easy to say on Sunday morning in between great worship songs and we're all excited. It's not so easy to say when you're desperately lonely and scared about getting through the next 24hrs.
I've started to understand that though I claimed I believed that God's character did not change, in actuality I measured His character by my circumstances. Sometimes unknowingly, sometimes purposefully. I say I've started to understand, because on the way to work today, and listening to You Are For Me, and thinking I believed it fully, I had a God moment.
See as I really started to "settle into rest", I became aware of my emotional and mental exhaustion. I said to God, "It's been really hard for so long. When will I start to feel the lifting of heaviness and and not feel like every day is a fight for survival?" It hit me hard. That realization that my trust and worship of God was, if I was being truly honest, based still on my circumstances. So I glimpsed for a moment into what I believe Paul was trying to say to us in Phillipians 4:11-13 "11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. "
To learn to really worship God for who he is, completely independent of my circumstances-be they good or difficult and in so doing to find true joy in the journey. I purpose to learn to find true joy in each day and not be hijacked by my feelings or what is going on at the time. This will be no small feat for me: Captain Control-freak, ADHD, OCD. But I purpose to learn to do so no matter how many times I stumble and fall on this path God has revealed. God is for me.
I've started to understand that though I claimed I believed that God's character did not change, in actuality I measured His character by my circumstances. Sometimes unknowingly, sometimes purposefully. I say I've started to understand, because on the way to work today, and listening to You Are For Me, and thinking I believed it fully, I had a God moment.
See as I really started to "settle into rest", I became aware of my emotional and mental exhaustion. I said to God, "It's been really hard for so long. When will I start to feel the lifting of heaviness and and not feel like every day is a fight for survival?" It hit me hard. That realization that my trust and worship of God was, if I was being truly honest, based still on my circumstances. So I glimpsed for a moment into what I believe Paul was trying to say to us in Phillipians 4:11-13 "11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. "
To learn to really worship God for who he is, completely independent of my circumstances-be they good or difficult and in so doing to find true joy in the journey. I purpose to learn to find true joy in each day and not be hijacked by my feelings or what is going on at the time. This will be no small feat for me: Captain Control-freak, ADHD, OCD. But I purpose to learn to do so no matter how many times I stumble and fall on this path God has revealed. God is for me.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Does God really love everyone?
Jesus is not only capable of loving people of all religions, He does. The Bible clearly states that He loves everyone, without condition. In 1 John, it says God is Love. God never changes so Jesus loves-everyone. Thats why a sinless God would come to earth to wrap Himself in flesh and live for ONE reason alone-to die. Did He die once all of us starting to acting "good"? Romans 5:6-11 says it much better than I can......."You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation."
That's love, not religion. Religion is just another way to try to solve the problem of sin-but has been and will continue to be an epic failure. Nothing we create, dream up, or traditions we follow can forgive our sins. Only Jesus can. I think its awesome that God and Creator of the whole universe (including me), who is holy and righteous (completely without any fault) in every way, died just to have a realtionship with me. He loved me enough, despite knowing all the wrong I would do, to have Himself nailed to a cross to bring me near to Him. Thank you Jesus:)
That's love, not religion. Religion is just another way to try to solve the problem of sin-but has been and will continue to be an epic failure. Nothing we create, dream up, or traditions we follow can forgive our sins. Only Jesus can. I think its awesome that God and Creator of the whole universe (including me), who is holy and righteous (completely without any fault) in every way, died just to have a realtionship with me. He loved me enough, despite knowing all the wrong I would do, to have Himself nailed to a cross to bring me near to Him. Thank you Jesus:)
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Religion? Just say NO!
Why is the question "religion"? What I have is relationship with the Living God who died a painful sacrificial death for me. I just want others to know Him. What they do with that relationship is not up to me. That's between God and them. Personally, religion is a stench. I do not want a bunch of rules and regulations that I have no help to follow. With Jesus, He lives within me, helping me each day. That is my only hope. That I become more like him and when I screw up I can acknowledge I did wrong and know He loves me just the same and forgives me if I am genuinely sorry. Why do others hate such a loving God? Because he left us guidelines, which when followed bring us life and freedom and when not followed bring heartache and destruction? If there is ANY proof that we desparately need a Savior, it's in the horrible atrocities that human beings perpetrate-in the name of religion or not. Humans are not good at the core-history proves the opposite. Rather we are struggling to try to do something about the sickness which threatens to destroy us. All the while the antedote has already been given. We simply need to accept the medicine provided for our sick hearts. Are people capable of "good" acts-yes, but that does not solve the sickness. James Chapter 2 addresses an important contention: Faith and Deeds
14What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? 15Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. 16If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? 17In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. ....20You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? 21Was not our ancestor Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? 22You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. 23And the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness," and he was called God's friend. 24You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone. "......we have to have BOTH faith and actions.....being a follower of Christ means both. If someone CLAIMS to be a Christian, they need to have both.
14What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? 15Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. 16If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? 17In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. ....20You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? 21Was not our ancestor Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? 22You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. 23And the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness," and he was called God's friend. 24You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone. "......we have to have BOTH faith and actions.....being a follower of Christ means both. If someone CLAIMS to be a Christian, they need to have both.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Testimony night
Giving my testimony (well not whole thing-just teen stuff) tonight. Hope everybody will be there. Already know 2 of the teens and Ronnie won't be there so sad about that, but otherwise looking forward to see what fruit God will grow out of this. As I shared this with my own children, only then did I realize how far removed they were from the life I lived and how I had protected them well for many years. Thank the Lord that He helped me through all that to bring me to where I am now. Also amazed that no matter what the enemy tries to do to destroy, God keeps growing something beautiful out of it.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Can't beat it!
You just can't beat Scripture!
Psalm 139 was on my mind today......my fav part is "...I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.." but the whole chapter is AMAZING.
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139 was on my mind today......my fav part is "...I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.." but the whole chapter is AMAZING.
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I am reminded
I was reminded of this section of Scripture today. I love it in The Message.
Lamentations 3:19-33
I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there's one other thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:
God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.
God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.
When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst.
Why? Because the Master won't ever
walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
He takes no pleasure in making life hard,
in throwing roadblocks in the way:
Lamentations 3:19-33
I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there's one other thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:
God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.
God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.
When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst.
Why? Because the Master won't ever
walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
He takes no pleasure in making life hard,
in throwing roadblocks in the way:
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